“Ronald McDonald Made Me Do It”

It pains me to think that Americans actually considered blaming the food industry for the obesity problem that plagues them. I am quite happy that the House of Representatives voted against the “Cheeseburger Bill.” I am somewhat dismayed that it was not unanimous. People, people, take responsibility for yourselves.

Flip Flop Girl

I never was a fan of the flip flops, until tonight. After my first pedicure of the spring season, my toes sparkling blood red, I decided to wear flip flops for the rest of the evening rather than risk a smeared toenail.

I walked through the park, warm breezes blowing, my skirt billowing in the wind. Flip, flop. Flip, flop, smacked the pink plastic against the soles of my feet.

In the grocery store, up and down the aisles, flip, flop. Flip, flop. Normally agitated by the throngs of after work shoppers, I didn’t seem to mind. My entire body had gone into beach mode. Flip, flop. Flip, flop.

I walked home, up through Russian Hill. A group of older men gathered outside a house, smoking cigars. I crossed the street to avoid the smoke. I heard one of them muse, “That sound. That sound. It’s so mesmerizing – where is it coming from?” I felt heads turn as my hips sashayed. Flip, flop. Flip, flop.

I walked over Nob Hill, through the quiet streets perfumed with wisteria. Flip, flop. Flip, flop. “Hey,” I heard a voice call from up above. “Hey, beauty! Hey…” I continued. Flip, flop. Flip, flop. “Hey, flower girl.” I looked down. I was indeed carrying a bouquet of calla lilies, but for some reason didn’t think the yeller was beckoning to me. Flip, flop. Flip, flop. “Hey, flip flop girl! Bella!” I turned around and smiled at the man waving from his third story window, before continuing down the hill. Flip, flop. Flip, flop.

Not a care in the world, just me and my pink flip flops.

In The Park

“What’s that up in the tree – that orange thing?”

“I don’t know, maybe a dog toy?”

“I think I’ll shimmy up the tree and find out.”

Emily stared at me in disbelief. “Lori, I’m the first to promote your various talents, but I dare say that I don’t think shimmying is one of them.”

I thought for a moment. “Okay, then, I think I’ll find a four-leaf clover…”

Happy Birthday, Santo!

Today Amy and Al became proud parents of Santo. From her birthday book, Tricia gleaned this: “Santo, You are The Day of the Great Leap! Your strengths are Daring, Intense and Visionary!”

Welcome to this world, Baby Santo!

Busy As A Bee, Bee, Bee

Do we really need mascots for the Oakland Airport Construction project? Apparently so, as BuzzBee and BeaBee have been selected as the only brother-sister mascot team in America.

Home of the Whopper

“For here or to go?” As Tricia and I began to say, “To go” Emily had already told the order taker, “For here.” We looked at her questioningly. The one inconsistency in Tricia’s otherwise flawless character is that she loves Burger King. Absolutely adores it, craves it, can’t get enough of it. And since it was her birthday celebration, she got to choose where we would eat. So here we were, at Burger King, in a somewhat questionable area of town. “Are you sure?” we tested Emily. “Yeah, we don’t want it to get cold on the way home. Let’s eat it here, while it’s hot.” For some reason neither Tricia or I wanted to blurt out the politically incorrect, “But it’s dirty here. There are homeless people circling. There are drug dealers right outside the door, ready to peddle their wares.” Instead we nonchalantly shrugged our shoulders and headed to a table.

As we ate our double cheeseburgers and chicken whoppers, still steaming hot, a dazed woman swooped over our table, veering somewhat uncontrollably. With a glazed look in her eyes, she muttered, “Sorry, ladies, sorry,” and swooped away. We continued our conversation. Another woman approached us, “Ladies, ladies,” she slurred. She held out flowers, in a motion to sell them to us. “We’re not interested, but thanks,” Emily offered. “No, no, no, listen to me. Listen to me NOW!” as she came precariously close to our faces. “We really don’t want anything, thanks,” Emily tried again. “I ain’t trying to sell you anything. I… I… I…” she looked at the bouquet in her hand. “I… I want to tell you a joke!” Emily tried again, firmly saying, “We’re trying to have a conversation, we really don’t want to hear a joke.” She huffed away, beginning a tirade that got louder and louder the longer it went on. “I just wanted to tell you a JOKE! You would ‘ave laughed. Yeah. No! No, you wouldn’t ‘ave. You’re probably too stupid to even laugh at my joke. You’re too stupid and too ugly. Yeah. Real ugly. I used to be a yuppie too. But I wasn’t an ugly yuppie. I wasn’t a bitch. You’re all ugly and stupid. STUPID.”

Tricia glanced up. “Two words. Take out.”

Bliss

There are days when I think I will implode from too much happiness. Absolute, continuous moments of perfection. Today was one of those days. I awoke in a bedroom awash in a warm blush, sunlight warming the room. I began the day with a bike ride to Ocean Beach, the relish of feeling my legs burn as I cycled up hills augmented by the delight of the strong ocean winds, blowing briskly across my warm body. Lunch at the Beach Chalet, enjoying tender, flaky crab cakes and a freshly brewed local beer. Biking through Golden Gate Park, watching parents teaching their children to ride their first bikes, gazing at lindy-hoppers swinging to Big Band sounds in the old bandshell, listening to impromptu jazz sessions filling the tunnels with haunting, soulful tunes. Meeting Tricia and Emily to see Cedric’s performance. Listening, in awe, at new compositions of I Can See Clearly Now, Autumn Leaves, and my favorite, Just The Two of Us. Still humming as I made my way back home, in utter disbelief as I scored a primo parking spot within the first four minutes of searching. A perfect day.

TaTa!

Recently at work we have been inundated with emails from Indian companies offering e-learning assistance. I’m not sure what list we got on, but it’s a widely circulated one.

Each time we receive one of these emails, my director forwards it to me and asks me to check it out. So I spend a few minutes reviewing websites, looking at previous clients, previous projects, and then usually fire off a “no, thanks” letter.

The most entertaining company so far, though, is this one.

On their web site, they list not only the expected mission statement, but also a locomotion statement and values statement.

Mission: to help change the way the world learns.

Locomotion: we march on two legs: our systems and our creativity.

Values: we go deep. we spark each other. we never give up.

Locomotion statement? That’s a new one. Maybe I need a locomotion statement…

Super Tuesday!

Today’s the day! Emily held her traditional “Rock the Vote!” party last night where everyone picked an issue on the ballot and presented pros and cons. Discussion ensued around some very important issues, some more clear than others. I’m on the way to the ballot box now – what a great way to start the day!

Next Stop, ?????

I thought I was well-traveled, but when you view it this way, I haven’t even begun to see the world. Hmmm… where to next?

create your own visited country map

or write about it on the open travel guide

Thanks to Jeff for this link. Try it yourself here.