A Comedy of Errors

While on a first date on Thursday evening, my purse was stolen. Not just my wallet, but my entire purse. Keys, cell phone, wallet, the works. When I realized this, my first thought was, “How am I going to get into my apartment?” I borrowed my date’s phone and called Emily at home, who has a spare set of my keys. It being very late, and her not recognizing the number, she didn’t answer, assuming it was a wrong number. I called her cell phone. It being late, she had it on vibrate, and did not hear it.

I turned to my date. “You could drive me home and I could site on the stairs and simply wait for someone to enter the building then follow them in. Then once I was in the building I could try to figure out how to break into my apartment.” Even as I said it, I realized how absurd it sounded. His look confirmed that.

“Just stay at my place,” he offered. I grimaced. “I normally don’t go home with guys on the first date.” He gave me another look. “This is kind of an unusual circumstance.” He laughed as he said, “And I won’t think any less of you in the morning.” I graciously accepted his offer.

The next morning, his cell phone rang before 7 am. It was Emily, having just gotten the messages I had desperately left the night before. She had my keys in hand, ready to meet me. We agreed to meet at her gym, which wasn’t too far from where I was staying. As he parked in front of the gym, Emily hopped in the car with my keys, laughing. “You’ll never believe what just happened,” she challenged me. “What?” I curiously asked. “I was leaving my house, with your keys in hand, I pulled the door closed and realized I had locked myself out!” We burst into giggles. The plan was for me to go to my home, then call a locksmith to meet her at her home after she finished her workout. Perfect plan.

I connected to the internet, then Googled “locksmith san francisco.” I noticed half of the numbers listed were out of order or disconnected – not a good sign. After several attempts, I got someone live on the line, gave her Emily’s address, cross streets, and summary of the situation.
Customer Service Chick: Please provide a phone number where Emily can be reached.
Me: Emily’s phone is in the house, the house of which Emily is locked out.
CSC: I can’t send a locksmith out unless I have a phone number where Emily can be reached.
M: Emily will be sitting outside; her phones are in the house; there is no phone outside. I can give you a phone number, but she won’t answer.
CSC: What’s the phone number of the laundromat?
M: What laundromat?
CSC: The laundromat where Emily can wait by a phone until the locksmith arrives.
M: But she’s in front of her house now. She’s not going anywhere. There’s no way I can get a message to her to tell her to go to the laundromat. She has no access to a phone.
CSC: I can’t send a locksmith out without a phone number where she will answer.
M: But she has no phone. She’s not going anywhere, she just needs a locksmith to open her door for her.
CSC: No phone number, no locksmith.

I hang up, amazed. I call another locksmith and explain the situation.
Me: Are you available now to work on her locks?
Locksmith: Yes – I can get there in 15-20 minutes.
M: Great. Do you need a phone number where she can be reached?
LS: You said she was locked out of her house – she wouldn’t be able to answer the phone, so why would I want a phone number?
M: Good point. Thank you.

And 15 minutes later, I am happily in my apartment getting ready for work; Emily is happily in her house getting ready for work. Happy Friday.

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