A Time to Grieve

I’m a little more than halfway through a three month sabbatical from work. This is the second one I’ve taken. The first, I walked the Camino de Santiago in Spain. Walked and walked and walked. Met lovely people who I still remember vividly. Basked in the sun (and snow and rain) and went technology free for months.  Three months that changed the direction of my life. 

People ask me what I’ve done this time. 

I’ve grieved.

I’ve grieved Mom not living here anymore. 

I’ve grieved the changes in Mom’s brain.

I’ve grieved Dad’s death.

I’ve grieved pandemic losses.

I’ve grieved deaths of people I know, and people I don’t. 

I’ve grieved victims of gun violence. Again. And again. And again.

I’ve screamed. I’ve slept. I’ve been counseled. I’ve written. I’ve cleaned. I’ve clawed at the earth with a pickax until I collapse. I’ve read. I’ve planted seeds. I’ve walked and hiked and swam. And I’ve cried. 

And cried. 

And cried. 

And cried. 

I’ve cried until I thought there couldn’t possibly be any more tears inside me and I begin to cry more. 

8 responses to “A Time to Grieve”

  1. Michael in Seattle Avatar
    Michael in Seattle

    Lori, here is a *hug*

    Reply
    1. Lori McLeese Avatar
      Lori McLeese

      Thank you, Michael. ❤

      Reply
  2. bone&silver Avatar
    bone&silver

    Yes. There is SO MUCH to grieve for, every day, everywhere. I’m with you. I could cry daily, as I reflect on my losses of parents, my youth, the climate, the pandemic, the inequalities, the gun violence… there is A LOT to be sad about!

    And then we also have to find the small joys: the perfect cup of tea, the belly laugh with a good friend, the cuddle from a pet. We have to find a balance, uneven though it may be. ❤️ G

    Reply
    1. Lori McLeese Avatar
      Lori McLeese

      So beautifully said, G. Here’s the recognizing and celebrating joy. ❤️

      Reply
  3. jackie Avatar
    jackie

    As you can see, so many can relate to your grieving, Lori. I think many of us are filled to the brim, and one more incident in our lives (a bad diagnosis, a lost love, a family fight…) can make our glass overflow. Thank you for sharing your journey – it helps us all remember that we may all be on a similar path from time to time and that it’s a natural part of life. Don’t stay there alone if what you need is connection with others. (And the Camino is on my bucket list! Thought: don’t wait too long for “someday…”)

    Reply
  4. Michael in Seattle Avatar
    Michael in Seattle

    “Caminante, no hay camino. Se hace camino al andar.
    (Walker, there is no road. The road is made as you walk.)”

    ― Antonio Machado

    ( 💗 )

    Reply
    1. Lori McLeese Avatar
      Lori McLeese

      So true, Michael. So true.

      Reply
  5. B. Ray Avatar
    B. Ray

    Wow. I love your vulnerability

    Reply

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