2 Weeks Ago

“We really enjoyed meeting you. We’d like you to come out again, meet a few more people, and take a 4 hour psychological exam.”

At first I thought I had misheard. I replayed the message. I had not misheard.

My first reaction was to laugh. A psychological exam? For four hours? What in the world for?

I returned the call. Very friendly, yet inquisitive. So what exactly is this four hour psychological exam?

This was met by tittering laughter. “Oh, everyone up for a promotion and serious job candidates have to take it.”

Okay, but what exactly is it?

“I even had to take it.” More laughter.

But what does it consist of? What is it? A pen and paper test? A demonstration? Face to face interview?

“Welllll… yes. An aptitude test. And a personality test. And then, well, just talking to a psychologist for awhile.” She was trying to downplay the magnitude of spending four hours of a job interview with a psychologist.

I wasn’t convinced, but I agreed to it anyway.

The Past Week

I mentioned this transaction to a few people and was unanimously met by incredulous stares then exclamations. Let me clarify here, I’m not applying to be a top secret, triple clearance agent. I’m applying for a corporate training position in the retail industry. I’ve vacillated from indignation to intense curiosity. Do I really want to work for a company that gives me a pre-employment psychological exam? Do I really want to work for a company that requested personal references, professional references, financial references, and familial references? Someone for whom I’ve signed my consent for just about every drug test possible? Is this the sign of a company that truly cares about its employees, or am I entering a Big Brother utopia?

The job, as I understand it, seems challenging. I’ve clicked with the interviewers I’ve met thus far. And I’m dying to know what they will ask me for four hours.

Monday Morning, 9:30 am

“Hi. Your psychological exam isn’t until 10:30. I see you’ve brought a book. Good. You can sit in the cafeteria for the next hour.”

I looked at the HR rep. Inwardly, I thought, On the no less than four voice messages you’ve left me over the past two weeks, you’ve said to be here at 9:30. Every single time. I smiled. Did you leave me a message that it starts at 10:30? I was under the impression it was at 9:30.

She pondered. “I *thought* I left you a message. Maybe I didn’t.”

I’m sitting here with my coffee in the corporate headquarters, in the cafeteria. Is this part of the exam? Do they want to see how I react to schedule changes? Are they watching me? I glance around. I don’t see any secret cameras. I smile anyway, just in case. I glance at my schedule for the remainder of the day. My meeting with the psychologist is scheduled from 10:30 am – 2:30 pm. And the schedule does not indicate a lunch break. Is this part of the exam? To see how I function in physically demanding situations? To see how long I can survive without food or water?

There is nothing that triggers paranoia more than preparing to sit with a psychologist for four hours. When you think about it, we are evaluated everyday, constantly. And normally, I don’t think twice about it. But for some reason, today it bothers me.

This extra hour has been a blessing in disguise. I feel like an undercover agent. I can observe all the employees, in a relaxed atmosphere. A priceless opportunity to experience the culture of the company firsthand, unnoticed.

Post-Psychological Exam

It’s over. Several “aptitude” tests – which were quite fun. Lots of logic questions, both verbal and numerical – I felt like I was doing puzzles. A battery of problem solving tests, then the 462 item personality quiz. Yes, 462 individual items with which I had to agree or disagree, then bubble in the corresponding circle. Throughout most of the test I was highly entertained. Some of the questions seemed, well, ridiculous. Lots of questions about how terrified I am of natural disasters. Lots of questions about if I like to dance. Then, the random ones. Some of my favorites:

“I have never been in trouble with the law”

“Several times a week I feel as if something dreadful is about to happen”

“There’s no use in doing things for people; you only find that you get it on the neck in the long run”

“Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars”

“I often feel like picking a fist fight with someone”

“I am often bothered by useless thoughts which keep running through my mind”

And, then, lots of questions about whether I would want to be a race car driver, a soldier, a mechanic, librarian, etc.

I don’t believe that a pen and paper test can accurately capture my personality. But, they’re going to try. They’re going to score me on 28 different personality traits then judge me. I can’t wait to see what they discover.