Spiritual Court

Friday

“Lori, this is Father T. I hope you remember me. I’m calling because Steve was just in here filing for a church divorce. Please give me a call at your earliest convenience. I need to talk to you.”

Sunday

“Lori, this is Steve. One of the priests might be calling you. I just wanted to give you a heads up. They’re not calling for a bake sale donation or to ask you to bake baklava. I’m in the process of filing for a church divorce and for some reason they want to talk to you.”

Monday

(on the phone with Steve)

Me: I appreciate the warning about the Greek priests, but you’re a couple of days late. Father T called me on Friday. We’ve been leaving voice mails for the past couple of days.

S: Lori, you would not believe the session we had together. I completed some paperwork, then he asked me about the possibility of our reconciliation.

Me: Did you remind him that our divorce has been final for 3 years?

S: Well, yes. I told him we did the therapy thing, we tried to work it out, but we had irreconcilable differences. That’s when he asked for your number. And then said, ‘I wish I had the opportunity to meet your wife.’

Me: Steve, he did meet me!

S: I know, I know. I don’t know why he wants to talk to you.

More pleasantries exchanged, then we hung up.

Today

“Lori, this is Father T again. I’m sorry we keep missing each other. Your voice is an absolute delight on my message machine; I remember you fondly. I wanted to let you know, just in case you weren’t aware, that Steve is filing for a church divorce and this is your chance for reconciliation. Give me a call if you’d like to work it out. If I don’t hear from you, then I’ll assume you agree with his wishes and we’ll take this up to Spiritual Court.”

I’m torn. First of all, a priest shouldn’t be lying. He has no idea who I am. Second, I guess he’s just doing due diligence, but really, our divorce has been final for 3 years. Does he really think I’ve suddenly changed my mind and want to reconcile? Third, I’ve never been to Spiritual Court. Now *that* could be cool.