Free!

There’s something wonderful about getting something for free. It’s even better when it’s something you actually want. Today I got three things for free. I’m happy.

The first came when I was purchasing airline tickets online through Travelocity. As I entered my credit card number, and pressed at least half a dozen buttons acknowledging the ticket was not refundable, not changeable, not usable by anyone except me, a pop up window appeared. If I completed a survey, I had the chance of winning $25 and could get $70 worth of gifts for free. I love surveys. I love sweepstakes. I was thrilled.

I completed the painless survey, and my choice of free gifts appeared. Up to three magazines, the first year free, then you had to pay. I didn’t like any of the magazines. I thought of signing my ex-husband up for magazines (he likes to read), but I imagined it escalating into an issue after the first year if he forgot to cancel the subscription. Who pays, then? So, I declined the gifts. It was a nice thought, though.

My next free item was at Walgreens. On my previous visit there I had received two cash register receipts. How wasteful, I thought to myself. But upon closer inspection, one was a Super Cash Register Check Out Counter Customer Appreciation Coupon. Which, technically, makes it sound like they are thanking you for checking out, and not shoplifting. Doesn’t seem like quite the marketing message they should be sending out.

Anyway, the coupon was for a free Nabisco big bag of crackers or snacks, value $0.99. I combed the aisles for Nabisco snack products. All I found were animal crackers ($1.29) and big bags of Oreo Double Stuff (way over $3.00). I asked the check out clerk for assistance. She wandered up and down the aisles, having as much success as I had. She called the manager. I mentally calculated how much it was costing Walgreens, even at minimum wage, to help me locate a product I would have never bought but was seeking because it was offered to me for free. I was ahead. The manager surveyed the same aisles both I and the clerk had, mumbling, “I know they are here somewhere. I know I’ve seen those crackers.” She finally turned to me, handed me back the coupon, and with a wave of her arm said, “Lady, just go grab a bag of chips.” I didn’t particularly like anything offered, but remembered Emily (the best friend in the whole world who has let me crash in her studio with my four big suitcases and not complained) has a passion for Cheetos. She was quite happy when she arrived home from work and found a big grab bag of Cheetos awaiting her consumption.

But the third was the best. After dinner, I had a craving for a milkshake. A good, thick, Ben and Jerry’s cookies and sweet cream milkshake. I hesitated at the door of Ben and Jerry’s; it was late and the chairs were already up on the tables. The guy behind the counter motioned to me, “Come on in, we’re not closed.” My three girlfriends followed me in. I walked up to the counter decisively. I’d like a cookies and sweet cream milkshake, l… “Don’t have it.” I stared at him. I couldn’t quite comprehend what he was telling me. I’ve waited 9 months for a milkshake, and you don’t have my favorite flavor? “Sorry, lady, we only have the flavors on the board.”

I continued to alternatively stare between his face and the board, wondering what could possibly replace cookies and sweet cream. “Do you like caramel?” I nodded, a blank look on my face. “How about maple syrup?” I nodded once again, still speechless that they were out of cookies and sweet cream. “Try this one.” He gave me the largest sample scoop of ice cream I’ve ever had. I tasted it. Mmmm. This is good. What is it? “You tell me, and your milkshake is free.”

I glanced up at the board. Triple Caramel Chunk? Maybe, but there were no chunks to speak of. Butter Pecan? Maybe, but Butter Pecan normally doesn’t have maple syrup in it. I don’t think. Hmmm. The Full VerMonty? Vermont=Maple Syrup. Not sure where the caramel comes into play. The Full VerMonty? I asked. He turned around from his milkshake making duties and gave me a playful “bang bang.” “You got it.” I squealed. Guys! I won! I won! My friends, involved in a deep conversation, turned to me. “What? What did you win?” I guessed the flavor! I got it right! The guy behind the counter leaned over and said, “But you know I can’t give you the milkshake for free.” I laughed. That’s okay – I still won! I guessed the flavor right! Thank you! He finished making the milkshake, added extra whipped cream, handed it to me, shook his head and said, “This one’s on me – enjoy…”

And that was the best free of all.