Highlights From My Most Recent Trip To Woobang Tower Land

In The Line In The Bathroom:

I’m standing there, towering over all the small Korean women, when I feel something very wet and sticky on my arm. I’m hesitant to turn around. This just can’t be good. Wet and sticky in a bathroom just isn’t a good combination. Curiosity wins. I slowly turn around, and there, in his mother’s arms, is a baby, stroking my arm with the duk (glutinous oblong rice pasta) he’s been slobbering on. I smile. He smiles back.

Conversation While Waiting In Line For A Roller Coaster:

He: I had chicken on a stick for only 1,000 won today. That’s 71 cents. From one of the street vendors.

Me: Was it good?

He: Yeah. But that’s not the point. How can you produce chicken for only 71 cents? It was a big stick.

Her: Labor is cheap. Land is cheap. Feed is cheap. It happens.

He: I’m dubious. Have you noticed there are no rats here. Or cats.

Me: Don’t go there.

He: Think about it.

Me: Oh, c’mon. Be for real.

He: I’m just saying. Everyone puts those huge bags of trash on the sidewalk. Every day. Lots and lots of food scraps. Wouldn’t you expect rats?

Me: (thinking)

He: And you don’t see cats anywhere. So there aren’t natural predators to take care of any rats.

Me: (still thinking)

He: I’m just saying…

Actually On The Roller Coaster:

I’m screaming “Oh, my god! Oh, my god!” and shrieking. From behind me, I hear my friend screaming, “Oh, kim chiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!” What the ????

Trying To Kick The Soccer Ball:

I love midway games. Give me a chance to win a prize and I’m so all over it. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of games like this at Woobang Tower Land. Tons of video games, but very few carnival games. I found one, though. Try to kick a soccer ball through a giant (and I mean giant, like, 20 foot) tire. Doesn’t matter that I’ve never played soccer. Or that no other women are attempting to do this. I get in line. I pay my 1,000 won. I kick the first ball. It hits the base of the tire, but comes nowhere close to the opening. I attempt this feat 5 more times, with no success whatsoever. As I’m returning to the line for the ride, my friend says, dripping with sarcasm, “God, that was so good, Lori. Just, like 4 more feet and you so would have won.” Gee, thanks….

The man in line behind us tapped me on the shoulder. “So good. You American? American women. So strong. You excellent athlete. Very, very good at soccer.” The irony of his words seemed to be lost on him. But it made me smile.