Beggars Can’t Be Choosers

It’s amazing how the smallest tasks can render me paralyzed from ignorance. Completely unable to function. I have now been living in Korea for four months. I have been collecting small gifts for people over those months. A postcard here, a trinket there, a souvenir. I’ve been meaning to send them, but… well, somehow they always end up in a pile in the corner of the Pink Palace.

Upon realizing I *still* had not mailed Emily’s birthday present (her birthday was in *January*), I decided it was time to act. What has deterred me from mailing these things you might ask. A simple answer: I don’t know where to buy packing materials. Envelopes, tape, boxes, normal stationery store supplies. My stationery store here carries 412 different varieties of Hello Kitty pens and pencils, but no mailing envelopes.

Every time I’m out shopping, I glance around, thinking I’ll find packing materials in the most random place. That’s how I normally discover things here. To no avail. I asked the Korean staff at school. “Stationery store.” Okay, maybe I overlooked them. Back down to the stationery store. I searched every aisle. I tried to ask, and was met by confused looks. I found something that resembled mailing envelopes, but they were quite thin. They were brown, though. Brown usually indicates it’s acceptable for postal use. So I bought them. Lots of them. I figured I would double, or triple, them if necessary.

But what about boxes? No luck. So I started searching alleys. There is a sporting goods store near the school. There were a few shoe boxes behind the store. I surreptitiously glanced around, didn’t see anyone, picked up a few boxes and casually walked away. Someone once told me you’ll never get caught doing something if you act like you’re supposed to be doing it. So I acted as if carrying discarded tennis shoe boxes was the most normal thing in the world.

Back in the Pink Palace Operation Mail Korea began. I spread out the items and began constructing mailing containers, using rolls of scotch tape, cardboard from the boxes, and leftover bubble wrap from my packing of fragile items on my journey here. And postcards. I didn’t realize how many postcards I’d bought, and intended to send, since I’ve arrived.

I loaded everything into a bag – boxes, envelopes, stacks of postcards – and headed to the post office. As I locked my door, I remembered my bills. I bolted inside, gathered my bills, and made my way to my final destination. I entered; there was no line. I took a number anyway. The clerk called me to the counter. I handed her my bills first, then the stack of 50 or so postcards, then the boxes. She gave me a look as if to say, “It’s bad enough I have to deal with someone who butchers my language, but this????” I smiled. She started counting, punching numbers into her calculator, weighing boxes, instructing me to complete customs forms, checking weight charts, then when it was all done, handed me a piece of paper with a number on it. Good god. I didn’t realize I could spend so much at the post office. But then I subtracted my bills, divided by four (for the amount of time I’ve procrastinated) and decided it wasn’t so unreasonable after all.

I paid her the money, exact change. I was putting my receipts into my bag when she called for my attention. I looked up. She handed me a box. Oh, no, this isn’t mine, I started to explain. “Service-a. Service-a.” What? I get a free gift at the post office? No way. It was even wrapped.

Once home, I shook the box. Hmmm. If I was a post office, and wanted to give a free gift to customers, what would I give? Stationery would be the obvious choice. Or pens. Or pencils. Something to encourage customers to use more of my services. But it didn’t feel like any of those things. Hmmmm. It was fairly heavy. Maybe spam? I’ve seen many gift sets of spam lately. No, not heavy enough for that. Candy? Maybe. I finally couldn’t wait any longer. I tore off the paper.

Soap. Three bars of peach flavored (? – can something be flavored if it’s not intended to be eaten?) soap. Whitening soap. To make my skin even whiter than it currently is. Just what I need. Well, it was free. And it smells kind of nice…