naive – lacking worldly experience and understanding

Okay. How does this happen? I am really naive? I never thought so before, but now I’m beginning to wonder. I was looking forward to going out with Mr. Kim tonight – to eat “raw fish.” Another new friend. He picks me up. He tells me in the car he’s missed me this week. Okay, that’s a little weird, but okay. We go to the “raw fish” restaurant, Dong Hay. East Sea.

We sit down and many, many dishes arrive. Grilled fish. Salads. Mussels. Soup. Kim chi. Kim bop. And the soju. I tell him I don’t want to drink much soju – it is too strong for me. We start eating the “side dishes.” We have polite dinner conversation. About his business. My school. His family. I ask him if he is married. He laughs. I don’t see what is so funny about that question. He’s asked me, I’ve answered, why can’t I ask him. “I think you ask me that because I am so strong and look so young.” No, I ask you that because I know you have children (in university, nonetheless) and I assumed your wife would be joining us tonight. He said, “No, maybe another time my wife will join us, but tonight, it is just us.” I tell him this is odd, that in America normally husband and wife eat dinner together. He laughs and says, “No, you are lying. I know better.”

The main course arrives. So much raw fish. He tells me that in the morning I will not be able to recognize my skin. What are you talking about? Recognize? No, realize. I will not be able to realize how soft my skin will be after eating raw fish. Whatever.

We start to eat, by now we have finished almost one bottle of soju. He starts to talk about how much soju costs in other countries. In Korea, it is not a burden for the common man to purchase. But in America, maybe it is $20 a bottle. Noooooo. Yes. That is not right. You, you think like a teacher, 1 + 1 equals 2. But a businessman, he knows customs, taxes, profits, and yes, it is $20. Okay – that was extremely patronizing.

So, I think you must be lonely. You are in a foreign country. What do you do when you are lonely?

Well, sometimes I miss my friends and family, but I email them a lot, and I talk to my parents once a week, so it’s okay. Plus, I’ve made friends here in Korea. So I hang out with them.

No, I think you get lonely. Like a woman gets lonely. You were married. And now divorced. What do you do when you want sexual intercourse?

(I almost spit my soju at him. I’ve never been asked so bluntly before.) Wellllllll. I just get over it.

No. I think you need a partner. A sexual partner.

(Oh, God. Is this where this is going?) No, I don’t need sexual partner.

Well, I take many business trips. And I get lonely. I want a sexual partner. But I don’t want to go to the red light street. So, maybe when I go on a business trip… What do you do when you get lonely?

I don’t think it is the same. I don’t want to have sexual intercourse with just anyone. I want it to be someone I care about. And I have not found anyone lately that I care about. I would rather be alone. (and I cannot believe I am having this conversation with you)

But you have to have desires. I will be your partner.

I don’t think so.

But that means maybe yes?

No, that means I don’t ever think that will happen. Ever.

But we do not know what will happen in the future. Insha’allah, right?

I know you will not be my sexual partner. Does your wife know you have other partners?

I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Her job is a housewife. She takes care of my children and my house.

Would you care if she had other partners?

Not if it wasn’t in our home. She can do what she wants. I can do what I want. This is the Korean way.

No, I don’t think so.

Okay, it is the western way. Isn’t that why you divorced your husband?

No. It is not the western way either. And, my husband and I were together 6 years. During that time I did not have relations with anyone else and I truly believe he did not either. That is not the western way. (and why am I still having this conversation?)

Many English teachers, especially women, are here in Daegu.

Okay.

There are stories in the paper everyday. Foreign hag-wan teachers. Using hashish to combat loneliness.

I don’t do drugs either.

No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying many teachers use drugs. You are from San Francisco, right?

Yes.

Many people in San Francisco, they are lesbian, right?

I’m not a lesbian, either.

I do not understand. You must be lonely. What do you do?

I don’t think it is the same between men and women. I don’t have to have sex with someone.

Well, when you were in Kuwait…

Yes.

Kuwaiti men, they love to f*ck American women.

I met my husband in Kuwait. He was American. I never dated any Arabic men.

Arabic women, they are beautiful. Like a painting. The most beautiful women in the world.

Yes, they are beautiful.

But American women, except for you, of course, they are tough. Not so beautiful.

(raised eyebrows)

I said except for you. But the most unattractive women, Scandinavian women.

Really?

Yes. They are so tall. And so big. Big eyes. Lots of freckles. Light hair. And hair all over their body. Everywhere.

Really? I’ve never been there.

I was in a cafe run by Tabu. You know Tabu?

No.

No? Yes, you do. The movie maker.

No.

Porn movies.

I’ve never seen a porn movie.

What? Are you from North Korea?

No. I’m from America. And I’ve never seen a porn movie.

Let’s go. Right now. I will show you one.

No.

Okay, anyway, I was in this cafe. And the waitresses were completely naked. Except for high heels and their trays.

Okay.

But I couldn’t look at them, they were so unattractive. Here, have some more fish.

I can’t. (rubbing my tummy) I’m full.

No, your chest is full. I did not realize it when we were hiking, but now, tonight, oh my god. I think only your chest is full, not your tummy.

I’m ready to go.

Wait. Isn’t this well, special? I mean, we were destined to meet. There are never any women on the trails at Apsan. And there you were. And we were there at the same time. And I spoke to you. And we hiked together. And we spoke Arabic. This is meant to be. We are meant to be sexual partners.

No, we’re not.

I think, maybe, in a past life you were a cow. And I was a mosquito. And we were together then as well. Now we have the chance to be closer in this life.

(First of all, calling me a cow, even in a past life, is not going to endear me to you.) No. I don’t think so.

But that means maybe? Mumkin (Arabic for maybe).

Mish mumkin (Arabic for no possible way).

I caught a cab home. Am I really so naive?