I Now Know What A Bad Standup Comic Feels Like…

In one of my writing classes, I had to teach riddles. Riddles only work if you understand the play on words. Who was the genius who included this in our ESL curriculum?

“How is a fiction book like a tall building?” Answer from the class: they both contain a lot of information. “Okay… any other guesses?” Books can be found in buildings. A picture of a building is in a book, maybe. “Yes…. Okay, the answer is – They both contain many stories!” I’m met with blank stares. So I go to the whiteboard. “See, a book, it contains stories, tales about things that happen, right? And a building that is tall, has many floors, which are also called stories. See? Isn’t that funny?” The four pre-teenage girls look at me and nod, appeasing me, yes, teacher, it’s funny. Okay, next example.

“What is the difference between a jeweler and a prison guard?” Teacher, what is a jeweler? Ohhhhhh. So I explain a jeweler’s job, trying to make sure I include the words “watch” and “sale” (key to the answer). Teacher, what is prison? Hmmmmm… How can I salvage this lesson? I explain the answer, “One sells watches, the other watches cells.” And I draw my pictures on the whiteboard. Again, blank stares.

The next question. “How is candy like a government building?” Okay, let’s list all the types of candy we know: chocolate, chewing gum, marshmallows, gummy worms, hard candy, sour balls, licorice, the list goes on. They have listed every possible candy option except for “mints.” “Okay, what is that type of candy that you put in your mouth and it’s really refreshing and cool…” Blank stares. I know they have mints here. So I offer, “Mints? Yes?” Smiles, oh, yes, yes, yes. Okay. We’re getting somewhere. “Okay, and what’s the name of the government building that makes money?” Don’t know. “What about in Korean? Do you know the name in Korean?” No. “But you do have a building that makes money, right?” Maybe. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. “Well, in English this building is called a mint. Get it? Mint/mint?” Riiiiiiiiight.

I’m of the firm belief that learning needs to be relevant to the students. And this so is not. Okay, I’ll give it one more try.

“What is the difference between a thief and a seat belt?” A seat belt is safe and a thief is not safe? “Good guess, you’re on the right track, keep on. What’s it called when a thief robs you?” Bad. Very bad. “Yes, it’s bad. What is another word for the action of the thief robbing you?” Hold you down. “Almost. Hold up. So a thief holds you up and a seat belt…” Holds you down! Heeheeeheheheeeeheheeee. All four girls erupted in laughter.

I am so glad this lesson is over.